endometriosis

This is similar to what the growing tissue looks like inside of me:

So I've been living with this stuff growing inside of me for about 9 years now. I've seen about 8 doctors, and no one really has good ideas of what to do. I'm on a birth control that only gives me a menstrual cycle 4x a year. That seems to be helping a bit, I'm not on the couch dying for 3 weeks out of each month. Then last April I had surgery to burn out the growth, like you see above. It helped for about 2 months but then the pain kept getting worse as each month passed.

I went to a new OBGYN in january but she was rude. She did give me numbing medicine for one day when I'm married, but the pain is still there. So I went to a new one today who works in an office that deals with odd and crazy things, like my situation. The doctor was very nice and listened to what I've been going through and really understood that I'm done being told to live with the pain. She is making me get an ultrasound to see if there is anything large growing, then she is going to put me on a shot called Lupron that will induce premature menopause- which will only last 3 months. She is also going to give me a medicine to complement the shot so I don't have hot flashes and night sweats and get all moody.

Then she is sending me to a specialist at St. Josephs hospital who only deals with endometriosis. She said that getting the shot will help shrink the growths and make the pain less, and make it easier for the specialist to get rid of the pain. Then this is the BEST news! She said the specialist can go in for surgery and cut the nerves in and around my pelvis so that I no longer feel the pain! but she said I can still enjoy being with my husband one day because they will only cut the nerves that are leading to the main source of the pain, like to the ovaries and the abdominal wall etc. so I was so thrilled to hear this because I may be able to live an almost pain free life!!! yay!!! I think I will be more excited when my week on narcotics ends and I can think clearly when the worst pain is gone. and this is big, expensive news so i'm full of mixed emotions but so happy that there might be a chance to keep my pain at bay!!! yay!!!!!

If you have any questions about endometriosis or what I'll be going through in the next few months, feel free to ask!!!

New hair!

So I got really tired of my hair growing slow. it's hit that akward point where I can put it in a baby spiky ponytail but if I leave it down it looks like a bush. so I decided to get extensions. I've thought about it before, but they were always so expensive. then I found a hair school that does them! I was nervous because the stylists are still students. but luckily they gave me this awesome black lady who has been doing extensions since she was little. and she did an amazing job! except it hurt, who knew little braids and getting things sewn to your head would hurt? haha it was worth it.

Things lately

So Shon has been away since the middle of february. I got to go see him at the beginning of march, but only for a few days. BUT, he is finally coming home on sunday!!! I am so so so excited!!! When he gets back we are going to go meet his cousin for lunch who is about to get married, so I'm very excited for that. I also have my last day of work at the gym tending to the little ones next wedensday. I love all the girls I work with, but I keep getting colds and stomach flu's from all the babies. I get sneezed on at least 2x each shift and my body just can't fight ALL the icky microbes floating around in aerosols. I just learned that that actually can happen in my microbiology class. gross I know.

On another note, Jess, Josh and baby Henry came to visit and that was super fun and surprising! I don't have a camera so I'm sorry for the lack of photos on this blog... I'll work on that. Anyway Henry is getting so huge! he is such a happy little baby! he is 4 months now! It was so good to have them come visit!

School is going great, just a bit boring since the love of my life isn't there, but it's ok, classes are almost done and despite all the craziness of this semester I am still managing to get good grades. Heavenly Father has definitely been pouring out blessings!!!!

Oh and I got asked to bring desserts to a wedding! I feel like I'm finally getting my foot in the door of dessert catering! Of course there will be no money involved, but it's going to be so fun to make so many treats at once! ahh I'm so excited! especially because then i don't have to et all the leftovers and get sick! Hopefully I'll get asked to do more weddings!!

Gallbladder surgery

Sunday night I was in extreme pain. This pain had been going on for about 8 days, and felt like my liver. I was told I had mono, and so thought my liver was just swollen. But the pain wouldn't go away, kept me up all night, and was no where near my spleen- which is usually what gets inflamed first and the worst in mono. So I called the on call dr. and he said to go to the ER. They did tests and an ultrasound and gave me morphine- which I had a reaction to so it wasn't really super helpful. We got there at 7:30pm and I got to my room to stay over in the hospital at 1:00am. I didn't sleep because I was nervous and dad had to go home so he could work in the morning. My boyfriend is in Idaho and so it was very scary and lonely. Luckily for valentines day he gave me a big pink stuffed puppy, so of course I slept clinging tightly to that. Then they did more blood tests, the surgeon cam and said I would have surgery and they were going to take out my gallbladder. I was in a lot of pain, but since I hadn't been eating because I might have surgery it was ok. When I would eat my gallbladder would freak out. So then mom and dad tried to make it in time for the surgery, which they kept moving up. BUt both my parents got there and it was very nice waiting to go in. The anesthesiologist was LDs so he was very nice and we chatted for a bit. Then I got nervous as they took me back and can't remember very much except being somewhat awake asking to make cupcakes and eating pot roast for dinner. But I kept falling asleep while eating so it wasn't very good. I don't know how or when I got back to my room, but my parents were there, and i just remember them laughing a lot. They told me I should call Shon, so I did but I fell asleep on the phone with him 3 times and I have no idea what I said. So I tried to call him later that night and did a little better but for some reason starting telling him all about taxes. His family came to visit and i got to see the new baby! I even got to hold him! So apparently I'm very funny on anesthesia, which is too bad that my parents didn't record any of it! Yesterday I did better, but was in a lot of weird pain. They let me go home so my friend Holly came to get me and brought her baby too, and he is so cute and handsome! Anyway they said my gallbladder was full of sludge which mean I had passed a stone and my gallbladder was failing to work properly and everything was all backed up. They didn't take any pictures or show me what it looked like which is too bad, but at least it's out!! I have a sweet bruise underneath my belly button in the shape of a Y which is perfect since I went to BYU!!! go cougars!! haha so it was quite an adventure! I will be missing school and work all this week, but it's nice to finally be home and on the mend!! the one sad thing is that i'm not allowed to eat dairy for a while, and if I'm ready to I can only have small amounts. boo! ice cream is my all time favorite food!!!

Some of my poems

It felt so lonely,
who could I talk to?
Had god stopped hearing me?
No, he was there,
always listening, always protecting,
always weeping with me.
And God gave me the
courage
to escape.
He gave me the strength
I needed. He gave me
life.
He kept me from leaving
the earth, he gave me
HOPE.
He never left me,
he will always be there,
he will always listen,
he will always

heal.





We all need attention
from others
to survive.
Without it, we die.




Wearing red nail polish
screams
to the world, I am fierce,
don't mess with me,
I am one sassy lady.
It's like wearing your
personality
on ten little ends,
so everyone will know
before they talk to you.
You mean business.
Too bad my big,
curly hair
gives it all away
before anyone gets
close enough
to understand the signal
of my red nails.

Acceptance Speech

So I was invited to interview at Midwestern University for the PA program. If you are offered an interview it means you are basically accepted, they just want to make sure you are as nice as you made yourself sound on the application.

But after lots of praying and fasting about if PA school was the right choice for me, I got a very intense no. Heavenly Father definitely knows that I need big answers so I can remember how the prompting felt if I get stressed. Because I stress, all the time! So it's been a very exciting and spiritual weekend for me! I canceled my interview and withdrew my application this morning. I also sent them a thank you note because it really meant so much to me that I could have done it! So here is a speech I would like to share, it's almost as if I won a grammy or something. But seriously, it feels so good to have made it and know I could have done it, but that I'm choosing something better for me that the Lord has in store.

I would like to thank all of my family members who have offered their advice and love and support. Particularly my mom and dad and sister. they have listened to me weigh all the options, helped me figure out what I really want, and loved me through it all. i would like to thank my friends for believing in me and helping me re-gain my confidence in myself. I would like to thank my wonderful man for supporting me with whatever I decided, even though PA school would have been a challenge. And most importantly I would like to thank the Lord for giving me the courage and the strength to do so well in school despite the difficult situations I was in. And For never giving up on me, even when I almost gave up on Him. I am so grateful for the opportunity to fast and receive personal revelation through fasting and prayer. I know that the Lord loves each of us, and that His plan will provide so much more happiness than anything I could have thought of. My life is so wonderful, and I am so blessed. I am taking this wonderful experience and letting it finish off a sadness and void, and moving on to the next great adventure of a Masters Program. Thank you to all my teachers and doctors and friends who believed in me, who knew I could be what I wanted and helped me see that. Thank you for believing in me.