My story about baby ruined body

There is a blog post that has gone viral about a woman talking about how the scars from having a baby are beautiful and represent wonderful things! I loved that she was speaking out on how society views our bodies but how we as mothers should. This was my response in support of her thoughts.

My husband and I have tried to have a baby, we've had surgeries, done all kinds of tests, taken all kinds of medications. I have been battling an illness that we don't quite understand, but I cannot have a baby. because of all the medications and treatments and my bad reactions to almost all of them I have gained 60lbs in 6 months, and I have scars from the surgeries and serious stretch marks. My husband and I look at my body and instead of seeing it disfigured and a reminder of the nightmare I put my body through, we look at it and see triumph! I have fought for 14 years to keep my body in the best health to try and have a baby when the time came, I fought so hard and had so many surgeries and tests and this past year we gave it everything, just to find out that no, a baby will not be possible. But I look at my body and each scar, stretch mark, injection site, extra weight and needing a whole new wardrobe as a testament to our fight, we didn't win the battle but we were victorious with our efforts, we sacrificed everything. and so yes my body is not stunning anymore but it is a badge of honor and courage that we did everything we could, and now I am at peace knowing that I can't have a baby not because I was afraid to sacrifice everything but because I did sacrifice everything to try and bring one into this world. And that peace is so important as we pursue other options for raising a child. a lot of people look at me and talk about me behind y back about how I got fat so fast, but my husband and I know what that took, and we are proud of what we endured together.

So much has happened

Hello! So much has happened since I last wrote, sorry! I almost forgot I even had one! We've had so much excitement here at home that the days have flown by!

So we finally got our foster license to care for disabled children! A week later we got twins! Due to several laws we aren't allowed to tell you any real details about them or their history, or post pictures of them, so I'll try to give you as much info and tell you how exciting everything has been!!

For privacy reasons we call them Squash and Spud. Squash is super chunky and when he sits on you, he squashes you! its really adorable actually. Spud looks like a super cute little sweet potato spud, he's a bit teeny and adorable. we think they are identical, but one is definitely heavier than the other!

When we first got them it was mid October, they had just turned 1. They love each other very much which was clear right away! We tried to have them sleep in different cribs but in the same room, but they were so happy to be together that they just talked and talked all night and wouldn't sleep!

Now they each have their own room and everyone has spoiled them with clothes and toys galore! And they most definitely got spoiled this Christmas! Some of their favorite things to do are eat, crawl over each other and bulldoze when convenient, and put everything in their mouths. Spud is super picky with food but in a weird way, he loves fruits and veggies, but doesn't like meat at all or anything even slightly warm!

The Chunky one loves all food, and getting kisses. if you say to either of them "Can I have a kiss?" they will lean in and kiss you! Squash tends to lick you more than give a tiny kiss but its really adorable. They both can clap now, drink out of sippy cups, and pull to standing. They are great at crawling, which we didn't expect so we had to completely re-do our living room to be baby safe!

They are super adorable and very happy. They like to go on walks and on drives, but if you stop for any reason they aren't happy standing still. And in the car they want to hear music on the radio, if they can't hear it they get very grumpy.

We love having them! It has been so fun to be a mommy! Ken is an amazing dad! It has been so fun! We took them to see the Mesa temple Christmas lights, and they liked that a lot. Ken and I were sealed at the Mesa temple on the 14th, which was the best day of our lives! We love the gospel and are so happy to be sealed! That means Ken and I are married for this life and all through heaven!

We loved watching general conference and hearing the Prophet Thomas S Monson speak! And my parents gave us a very beautiful picture of Jesus the Christ that they decorated themselves! You can learn more about the temple and the Gospel at lds.org or Mormon.org.

If you are interested in learning more about foster care, message me or look up our agency! We love them and have had such a great experience getting trained and licensed and now having such beautiful babies! our agency is "All in the Family". they do both regular foster care and disability foster care.

I'll try to be better about posting about our little angels and the exciting things in our life! Here are some pictures. I got a new camera and computer for Christmas so I have to get all the kinks worked out but then lots of pictures to come. unfortunately you can't see how cute our babies are, but if you want to come over they love visitors!!

My parents at our house for Christmas dinner!

Ken and I at temple lights

Ken in his awesome leather cardinal helmet my parents got him

Beautiful nativity scene at the temple

Us at the temple

The star at temple lights!

Ken opening his stocking

me opening presents

Statue of Christ

cool light shot of the temple

beautiful mesa temple

Sutton Diet update!

So I did great on the diet and I noticed a difference and felt pretty good! My tummy didn't like some foods but that's ok. Ken and I decided we hate eggplant- did you know if has weird seeds? gross

We started a new fertility medicine called Femara. It's a medication for breast cancer patients, and has been used to help women with infertility issues ovulate. It has the same desired outcome as clomid but less side effects, which is why my doctors gave it  to me. Things were going well, just a few hot flashes here and there, and then one night I took of my shoes and freaked out. I weighed myself and was shocked. The next day I weighed myself and went in to the doctor and I had gained 15 pounds in about 3 days!

This was the day I went to the doctor for the swelling. They said it was from the medicine but things look ok in blood tests. They also did an ultra sound to see if my ovaries were causing the issue, and an ultrasound of my legs to make sure there were no blood clots. They aren't sure why my body decided to do this, but they said I was in no real danger.

This is my face as I wait for the OB to tell me what's happening. Its pretty swollen, and that's my worried and bored face. There is always lots of waiting at the doctor.

 

And this lovely picture below is what my feet look like today.

Yes, my body is more swollen today that a few days ago. I'm going to go back to the doctor on Monday and try to find a solution. We are also trying to decide if we want to do another round of the medicine since it did not work this time- the ultrasound of my ovaries proved nothing happened. We don't want to give up and move right into invitro, but we also don't want to put me or a baby at risk by another reaction, maybe worse the next time. So we are praying about it and moving forward with faith. I have learned that having faith and doing the best you can makes the questions and frustration at the back of my mind and I can focus on peace and moving forward with the knowledge that Heavenly Father hears our prayers and is blessing us in so many ways.

Immorality on the radio?!

On my way to help my friend I had the radio on a popular station that the young women in the ward listen to. I like it and I usually listen to is too, but this morning something awful happened! They do this prank call think where someone nominates a loved one to be pranked. This happens most mornings or something like it around 7-8pm, when most kids are in the car or on the bus on their way to school. Now i know school is out, but this kind of thing happens all year round.... and today I took a careful listen and was MORTIFIED!

You will not believe what I heard. Take a guess, I dare you. And your worst thought of what may have been on probably doesn't even come close! Now I'm not going to tell you the entire details of the call because it was so horrible and super inappropriate! But here is the gist-

Radio personality K was speaking to a mom about her 14 or so year old daughter. K was egging the mom on saying that this daughter has signed up to receive a tattoo. Honestly I don't know why these people don't just hang up when they can tell someone is being rude and totally pranking, but for whatever reason they don't. And K was claiming this young girl wanted an inappropriate tattoo on her inner thigh for very inappropriate reasons, and then to further prove her point K started making all kinds of super inappropriate sounds. K was claiming that this young girl wanted a tattoo to attract immoral behavior and then added horrible sounds on top of it. And I quickly changed the station.

I only listened to this station for 5 seconds before I was able to get to the button to change the channel, and I hear ALL that, in like 5 seconds! What kind of person does this and claims that someones child is sexually active and then makes fun of something completely sacred?

I'm trying to find the web page with details so I can call and complain about how inappropriate that is. And I know they will probably say "well you don't have to listen", but when you are scanning channels like I was and you hear that, its completely inappropriate and no one should have to listen to that garbage, let alone children or the wonderful youth in our ward! I've gotten extremely cautious and listening closely to things in preparation for our foster kids and for one day when we have our children. I'm 99% positive it was on 101.5 jamz with lady la but I can't find the sound bite. If you fine it let me know so I can call in!

My friend and I were talking just yesterday about how sweet and special the spirits are of children, and how sensitive they are to the corruption in the world, in tv shows, music, all kinds of media and they often perceive the negative things that we as adults seem to just tune out and pass over. But these negative things affect our children's spirits, and what does that say about us if we disregard it? Or if we are so used to it that it seems acceptable.

In my marriage and family class at BYU our teacher challenged us to go free of all media and entertainment that isn't conference talks and mo-tab performances for 3 weeks, and record our feelings in our journals. Then after 3 weeks go back to our normal habits and see if we notice a difference. Ken and I did this challenge a few months ago for a week, and it was really hard but we definitely noticed a difference  in our home and our attitudes and even our relationship. It was definitely hard but was very eye opening.

I'm not saying that everyone needs to listen to what I think is appropriate but I do think that our society needs to put a higher priority on morals. And I also think that things that are so blatantly vile should be stopped and that people need to take a stand. I also know that sexual relations are sacred and should be treated as such. It's so disappointing to hear such rude and inappropriate things on public radio.

Have you ever had to make a stand like this? What do you do to keep the media your family uses appropriate? What are some of your favorite radio stations that you don't have to worry about somethings so awful happening?

Sutton Diet Plan

For this diet I've done a lot of research and talked to several people about their diets and what works for them. My diet is a compilation of all of these and my own personal beliefs and ideas.

I believe in the Word of Wisdom which was a commandment from the Lord that is a code of health that if we follow, we are promised blessings.

Doctrine and Covenants 89:7-21

7 And, again, ^astrong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies. And again, tobacco is not for the ^abody, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill. And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.  And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome ^aherbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man— Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with ^aprudence and ^bthanksgiving. Yea, ^aflesh also of ^bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used ^csparingly; And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be ^aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or ^bfamine. All ^agrain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth; And ^athese hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger. All grain is good for the ^afood of man; as also the ^bfruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.  And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, ^ashall receive ^bhealth in their navel and marrow to their bones; And shall ^afind ^bwisdom and great ^ctreasures of ^dknowledge, even hidden treasures; And shall ^arun and not be ^bweary, and shall walk and not faint.  And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the ^adestroying angel shall ^bpass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

 

So that's basically my diet right there. Some people like the diets that are meat based, others only want to eat vegetables and no meat. I believe the above passage to be the word of God and I am basing my diet off of what He says.

 

My doctors say no yeast, no sugar, no processed foods, no soda.

 

Its basically this: no processed foods, no sugar, fruits and veggies with grains and meat on occasion, and no yeast because my body does not do well with it.

 

Food to eat:

Grains:

rice

oats

(I'm not eating much wheat because it usually has yeast in it)

 

Fruits:

all

 

Veggies:

all, especially leafy greens

Spaghetti squash is a great substitute for noodles

 

Meat:

mostly fish and chicken

(red meat doesn't make me feel very well)

 

Dairy:

only plain yogurt- especially ones with probiotics!

(I'm lactose intolerant and my body needs a break)

Almond milk is my milk substitute

 

Nuts:

I have some almond slices in my granola but yeast free diets recommend staying away from all nuts so I'm compromising with the almonds 

 

Drinks:

water

 

Sweetener:

honey- in smallll amounts

 

Condiments:

coconut oil

olive oil

ranch dressing- this is my one compromise

All other condiments usually have sugar or yeast

 

Dessert:

homemade fruit Popsicles

 

 

Sutton Diet

Some of you may have noticed that I've been getting a bit roundy all over, and no it's not from a baby. All the hormones in my body are freaking out as I'm trying to have a baby, and my body is starting to show the internal war it's been fighting on the outside.

I'm tired of going to the doctors and taking medicine and working really hard to be healthy so I can get pregnant, with no results. And to top it off, I'm swelling up. Like a lot, and its embarrassing. So I talked to several doctors about this annoying phenomenon and they are a bit puzzled. They've all told me it's from the hormones and it's to be expected. But I don't like that answer. My acupuncturist said that I probably have an infection in my gut, and my family practice doctor thinks that sugar is the cause of all illnesses. These events and ideas have prompted me to invent a diet that will help me loose the weird blubber that I seem to be attracting, and get my body in peak condition to grow a baby.

One doctor recommended a version of the Paleo diet. Emily has been doing this diet for about 2 months now and has lost 45 pounds! Great job Emily! But some things I don't agree with on the diet, or I notice make me feel sick or if I don't have make me feel sick. So I've been doing a lot of experimenting to find the right foods that will help me feel my best self. I don't want to be a skinny stick, I just want to be healthy, and gaining about a pound a day for no reason doesn't seem healthy so I'm doing something about it. right not.

Have you ever watched those documentaries on netflix about juicing, or curing cancer from eating vegan or raw or to loosing weight on a McDonald's diet? Well I've watched allllll of them and have laughed a lot, and learned some interesting things. So here is my version of one of those diet experiments, maybe someday it will be a netflix original series!!!

Also please understand this is very embarrassing and has never happened to me before. I've never been chunky and I have no idea what happened. Also this isn't just me not eating right, I've gained 30 pounds in 3-4 months, something is definitely wrong. This experiment is being monitored by my doctor, and I may not see the huge results I'm hoping for due to the hormones in my body going crazy and the addition of hormones from my fertility treatment. So please as you read and follow my journey, be supportive and encouraging, and leave all judgemental rudeness at home.

Day 1:
Here is what I look like today

I weigh: 162lbs
I fit in size 10 clothes- I HATE things being tight on my stomach, so I really would be about an 8 if I wore clothes that fit snugly on my waist.







My fibromyalgia is ok today, but I've heard the first 48 hours of a major healthy overhaul eating plan make you a little sick and your tummy clears and tries to figure out how to work at optimum.


I ate today:
gluten free cereal, no sugar
almond milk
carrots
applesauce
plain yogurt with a few nuts and coconut shreds
apple with peanut butter


More foods that I can and cannot eat, exercise plan, and details about how I'm going to get healthy to come on the next post!


So here goes!!! Sutton Diet Experiment is underway!

Moving Forward with Faith

This is Elder Jeffery R Holland. He is one of the 12 apostles and I love this talk. It is about going forward with the faith we have and building on that. I love hearing his testimony and applying these teachings in my life. I loved the message and the spirit I felt and thought I should share it with you.

As I've been waiting to have a baby and for our foster children to come I have had to press forward with faith. Having faith and hope in the future helps me to deal with the sadness of the present. I know that we are doing everything we can and are doing our very best. I know the Lord is always there and hears my prayers and is giving me countless blessings each day. I love having the Gospel in my life and having a prophet and apostles to lead and guide us each day.

If you would like to watch other talks from the April 2013 General Conference, just go to lds.org