Sunday, May 24, 2015

10 Things I wish people had told me when I became a Foster Mom

Please note: we are not mad, offended, angry or resentful of anyone who has done #1-7 on this list, I just had to learn the hard way and I think it's important for people to know. :)

1. People who were your friends get mad: mad that you have children who have naptimes and bed times, and on game night need to be fed and changed and comforted mid game. Mad that you have to cancel, mad that you can't spend all your time over at their house listening to their problems.

2. People don't consider you a real parent: because I have no biological children, Mother's day was interesting. Some people were very supportive and kind, others made it seem like fostering made me less of a person and that I had no right to call myself a mom.

3. People judge: People who are supposed to be your support system judge your foster children. They judge the case they don't understand, they judge the color of your foster children's skin, they judge your choices to do what you do. And these judgments are not fair or kind.

4. You will see selfishness and selflessness in people you never imagined: People down on their knees, deep in trials give more than you could imagine and forgive in amazing ways. The hearts of these children are incredible. The selfish come from the adults who don't believe in giving people second chances and believe they know more about parenting children with difficult lives than we do. Hello people, we've been trained and trained and trained, we have been recertified and taught how to deal with rehabilitating our children, because that is our job. Get over yourself.

5. Foster moms can be the nicest or the most cruel: I've read so many facebook posts and blogs from foster moms and been so proud to be one of them, and at other times, so angry at how some behave or treat their children. I also have met some of the most amazing and giving women and families. Especially A.M.C. who volunteered to watch our children for free for an emergency surgery so Ken could be there when I woke up.

6. Everyone asks you if you are going to adopt the children you have: They don't care what the case plan is, they don't think the biological parents deserve a chance, they think you deserve these children, and a lot of people are very vocal about it, IN FRONT Of MY FOSTER CHILDREN! Not cool.

7. You will get bullied: Either by someone working for the state, other foster families, neighbors, people at church, people involved in the case, at some point with each case you will get bullied. It may be because you make someone else look bad by doing what you are trained to do, or it may be because you have a nice blouse on, who knows the reasons, but you will get bullied.

8. You will see miracles that others could only dream of: The miracles we have had have been amazing. Prayers are constantly answered, we are watched over by angels, and having these children in our lives is a huge blessing We have grown closer to the Lord and to one another because of numbers 1-7, and now on number 8 you see it's all worth it. The blessings that have come, the lessons we have learned have been life changing. And humbling. Now I look at others in a whole new light, and I look for miracles every day.

9. Your marriage will become a rock or will crumble: As newlyweds we wanted children. It was hard, but we both parent in the same style, and we both rely on inspiration from the Lord. Because we continually turn to the Lord and to one another ours has become a rock. We have to work at it like any other marriage, but we've been given miracles and blessings to become strong and solid.

10. Your view of the world will change: You will see miracles where others won't look, you will be uplifted by the Lord in times of difficulty and really appreciate it. You will find out who great friends, good friends and bad friends are. Your support system will be completely redefined. You will look at those less fortunate than you with respect, and you will fight hard for children who aren't even yours. And then one day, when you know you will have a child of your own, you will treasure and cherish it, and really thank the Lord for what you have seen and lived through.

Mommy Pretty, I love you. Here mommy flower.

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