Now you know

It comes on slowly,

like falling asleep.

I sit and wait,

then it slowly creeps

in orange rolling heat, like a

red hot ocean wave,

spreading and lapping against the

deepest places and

slamming

against the bones.

 

Gnawing, biting, lashing, chasing any

hope of peace or relief

away.

Then slowly yet suddenly

it somehow gets worse.

All breath is gone,

all explanation or reason is

 lost

and there you face it,

dead on, but you never

conquer it.

 

The red hot flare freezes every fiber,

and engulfs you in ice,

where you remain frozen with a

despair so deep, it's

concrete.

and you know you will never escape its

scratching jaws.

The inside bleeding to relieve the

heat,

yet even then it comes, more waves of

icy heat

lapping against the soft places and slamming

into the bones.

 

Yelling, screaming, each cell

fights,

yet the best way for the whole to survive

is utter, deadly silence.

I face it head on and prepare myself for the

increase

and pray and scream out to the

Lord

to help me through.

 

I know He is with me,

holding me up,

calming my mind to

handle

the next one, and the next one

and the one after that.

And when I know He is

there

I begin to fold, and fear

I can't continue, but still the

rage comes, sharply, stinging

constantly

reminding me that I am 

here, now.

 

Yet threatening to end my utter

existence

with the severity of the

orange, red, blackness

eating away.

It laps at the soft places,

tears a hole to form a nasty

oozing tumor to join

 its hundred other brothers

planting their battle tents,

riding the wave to bite

and slice

and destroy more and eat away

whats left.

 

And still I can't breathe, and the

severity is so great the

orange has heated to a burning

black, fierce with rage. I keep praying for the

unconsciousness to come,

but somehow mt body is too

strong.

and so I suffer the blackness,

wide awake,

eyes bulging yet seeing

nothing.

 

The waves slap and thrash

coming, never ceasing,

never the promise of low tide.

The blackness takes over,

and I cling to

Him

and ride the waves with

blind fear, and stalwart

faith.

And somehow I'm still breathing and still

dying.

and the orange black lava keeps

melting, enveloping, pouring

over into my soul, and the

seed is nourished by the black

rot.

 

This is my pain.