Greif, Adoption and Gratitude

Sorry it's been a month since I've posted!!! January has been very eventful! I have lots of pictures and videos of our foster kids being adorable that I wish I could show you! I decided to fill you in on our process, where we are for adoption, what our goals are, and what's been happening!

First, Grief. It will be a year next month that I lost the first baby. Christmas and basically all of December was extremely difficult for me. I love our foster children but they will be going home, which is always a great thing, but I felt so empty on Christmas day. We were supposed to have our own baby in our arms to celebrate the holidays and be happy and enjoy every aspect. Christmas day was very difficult for me. I just wanted the present of our very own baby, the one who should have been born by then. So the holidays were very difficult.

We just got home from our trip to Utah so we are super tired!

 

I thought that after enough time would pass the grief would lessen, but it's only changed. I think one of the most disappointing factors is knowing that since I was 14 I was told me endometriosis would be cured when I had a baby, and that I would have no trouble having a baby. So not only did we lose 2 babies right before 6 weeks, we also lost the hope of ever having a baby, and having my endometriosis cured.

Grief is weird. I have learned about the stages of grief, but didn't understand that you can go back and forth between stages!! And there are several friends I know who have recently experienced great loss. My friends, I love you and we have been praying for you! I am so grateful to know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who watches over us, and that families can be together forever.

On to adoption! This has been very scary for me, and a little sad because I really LOVE LOVE LOVE newborns, and we may not get one to adopt. But I am learning to accept that just because I don't get a child 2 minutes old doesn't mean it won't be our child. And I've realized what a blessing it is to have Heavenly Father plant the seeds of hope and wanting adoption in my and my husbands hearts. Maybe we wouldn't be thinking adoption if we could have our own children.

I love this painting, it reminds me of how our Savior loves each of us so dearly!

 

The other big thing that many people don't understand or have even been rude to me about is the child we are looking to adopt. One day I said to Ken, " I think Heavenly Father wants us to adopt a child with Down Syndrome" and he said, " that's what I've been thinking too"!!! It was wonderful to us because we both felt it was the right thing. We have been working with an amazing woman named Gina who runs Sharing Down Syndrome Arizona. She has been amazing and has been keeping us in her mind and heart, trying to find our child. Please check out the web page and see all of the amazing things this woman has done!!!

We don't know what other children we will adopt, or if even the first child we adopt will have Down Syndrome, but we have seen time and time again the Lord's hand guiding us, sending us to the right people, inspiring us to reach out to the right resources, and we have seen many blessings!!

Gratitude!!! We finally found a state agency that will let us continue fostering with our current agency and just do adoptions through them. We are so excited! We have begun to fill out the initial paper work, and they are going to help us get on a specific file at CPS where there is a list of children ready to be adopted, and if any children come through our home and are available for adoption they will help us there. We tried to contact so many agencies, but they all wanted us to switch to foster with them as well, and we absolutely love our foster agency. Everyone is so nice and treats us like family.

We only have to take 3 classes, all in march, to get our adoption license since we are already licensed foster parents for disabled children. And did I mention that this agency is actually able to help you adopt a child with disabilities?!!! Almost every single other agency would only do foster children not considered disabled. I was so amazed at how much harder is it to adopt a disabled child than one with no disabilities. But we are so grateful to have an agency, and hope they take us on. Based on the initial paperwork they still could say no to adding us to their adoptive families, so prayers would be much appreciated!!

We are so grateful to have such wonderful children in our home. We did close down the Sutton Station Depot, but I felt it was a great success. I am so grateful I had toe opportunity to run it, and that even though only 3 foster families showed up on the day I gave everything away, a church who is starting a charity was able to come and take and use all the left over donations, so thank you so much to those of you who came and those of you who donated.

I love being sealed to Ken for time and all eternity! I love that we will be together in heaven, and our adopted children will be sealed to us and we will be a forever family even after this life That knowledge takes away the sting of death and grief.

 

 

I am so grateful to know that there is life after death, that Jesus is our Savior and Redeemer, and that despite all the trials we have faced in this last year, Heavenly Father has blessed us immensely. We know that the Lord has a plan for each of us, and as I look back at the past I see how He has been preparing me for the trials I am facing now. I know life may seem so difficult or lonely, or maybe you are dealing with grief or other trials, but please know that the Lord is there to guide you. I love the poem footprints in the sand, where a man asks the Savior why are there one set of footprints along my path? Why did you leave me Lord? And the Savior responds "I did not leave you, there is only one set of prints because I carried you along through your trials".

At the Salt Lake Temple Visitor's center!